harry potter rocks! my first day...

i entered the theater as if it was my first time to learn about the boy who lived. i walked innocently in the dark pathway and proceeded to a vacant seat. all i have is myself ready to watch my most awaited movie. absolutely, i am a lunatic fanatic - a die-hard obsessed guy who dreams of becoming one of the wizards of Hogwartz School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

my promise to myself? i'm gonna watch the movie over and over again in the big screen. i got a super busy schedule but i'll let it fit. i'd be very glad to evaluate if i imagined everything rightly, when then i read the ever treasured book. indeed, i am proud that most fall the way i imagined them. though, i got disappointed on the magic fights which seemed like too much shortened. i remembered that it was 3 in the morning when i decided not to stop reading the order of the phoenix two years ago. i was very much suspensed by dumbledore's encounter with voldemort, sirius' death and many more. my heart really pondered differently...

now, i'll be having them on consecutive days in the big screen. my desire and excitement will never decline. when i say i love something, i really mean it. i love HP and i mean to say i'm crazy over it.

primary reason - as of now, it shifts my attention really well. it gives me time to rest my feelings. it gives me an escape to the terrible madness beneath my heart. it tells me that the magical world could be real even just for days. soon i'll be back. but, this time, let me digress..let me smile...let me frown for harry..let me cry for my love for literature...let me think of my passion...let me be happy...even for a while...

at last...

busy..busy..busy..it's my way to keep my sanity...

it's been quite a while that i had my last post for this blog of mine. well, let us just say that i got extremely lazy to go check the net that often and most of all go write for my regular entries. more than being lazy, i just have to prioritize the mountainous school works that filled my study table before and during my preliminary examinations. added to it, i had to work for the accreditation of our debate organization. moreover, i had to go to legazpi and spend a couple of days there to attend the membership assembly of the philippine nursing students' association bicol chapter. the last has been the worst add-up activity i would say. because of that, i had to prolong my agony with my examinations in two major subjects just because of my absence prior to my attendance in the said convention. on the other hand, it was a good experience. i was able to meet my fellow nursing students from different parts of the region. they were all great and i might as well say i did great with them. now, another responsibility has been added to me as for my appointment as one of the regional staffers of the pnsa publication. when i went back to naga, it wasn't home that i directed my feet to. it was in the stage where i worked with two of my friends to host an event. it was a terrific experience. we did have great fun with each other. it was the first time that i saw myself laugh that hard again. if only i could command that moment to multiply for my everyday needs, i could be so happy right now.

busy, busy, busy...that is all that i ever wanted. it makes me become more productive. it lets me cope up with the new environment that i have. most of all, it is a means to bring back what i was before. the energy should live on. dreams should never fade. nothing should ever stop me from persevering to become a better me for myself and for the good people around me...

nobody by akon and nivea

i really like this song so much...maybe you have listened to it already...as of now, i just want to listen to it...

at my best

i just finished my return demonstration today on five nursing procedures. after two two sessions of waiting, finally i was called to go for the second to the last demonstration slot. i would have chosen to go first but i have to follow the line up. basically, i am very much pissed off by the fact that i have to wait for the next session before i have my turn. i hate it when i wait like that in a performance. it's like keeping the burden longer or the agony i would say is very much prolonged. on the other hand, it's through. all i have to do now is to prepare more for the next preliminary examinations left for me. i finished my biostatistics, english and my favorite microbiology and parasitology. with regards to how i did in those, i am not so certain. i just wish i get good scores to pass them. on the other hand, if i would demand, i just need high grades really. hehehe. microbiology examination has been the greatest so far. it's the most difficult but i know it's where i prepared most. the fifty-item multiple choice, twenty-item identification, and thirty-item definition types of tests were really a big challenge to how well i listened to my seventy-four year old genius teacher. yes, i said it right. my teacher is seventy-four years old. damn, she's really good. i never expected that she'd even teach a lot better than the younger ones. that matters alot to me. i need good teachers. i want to get challenged. the more difficult activities and tests given, the more also that i am motivated to be at my best.

when i got thinking again...

yes you are absolutely right. if you have been one of those people who followed the tragic story of my life, you are correct with your postulate. the chance did not work. we broke up. later on, we got together again. but we broke up again. the following day, he was in the theater with someone. the following night he called and we talked for hours. no wonder, i was again so stupid and we got together again. but the following day, with just a word, we again splitted. so funny how things worked this week. it was a series of hellos and good byes. worse than ever, it was a sequel of events in the story that i am entitling "stupid connivance". his heart together with the raging storm of nature's hatred for an imperfect person like me joined their forces to bring my feelings to the core of the earth. i am so down. i am so much relieved of my sanity. i know i am getting crazy. but one thing for sure, i have been so human. i can still feel the earth moving. i can still feel the sun's heat on my skin. i can still recognize the images around me. but one thing, i lost my trust in a person i once declared perfect...

this chance is a chance of a lifetime. i want to take this whole-heartedly because i know we both deserve the chance to correct the mistakes that we had before. this is an avenue for us to improve ourselves more while looking in the eyes of each other. i'm totally more romantic but i want to hold back a little. it's not to reserve anything for myself and doubt about the success of this chance. it's about making you feel more at ease with me. i don't want to ever make you feel like i want to hold you in the neck honey. i want to make things simple yet the feeling stays the same - extravagant and extremely true. i don't have the courage to tell you this honey. the truth is, i am just loving you even more. even through the times that you weren't by my side, i know i am still very much in love with you. you were there in my mind every minute of my life and i never let go of your thought. it is because i know that i'll be able to claim my space in your heart once again. baby, beyond all the things that you see around you, may you be able to perceive my love which has never ever diminished. i know i am imperfect but let me find a way to be a little closer to perfection. i can only do that if i have you.

if having you again is a dream, please wake me up. i don't want to live a life that is just an abstract of reality. but if this is for real, please do make it with me honey. will you hold my hands tighter and never let go? check out my heart...there's this you and i'm forever in love with you...

i have to wake up 3 this morning. whaaaaaat? yes, it's true. it's getting a big deal because i have been waking up really very early for seven days straight already, considering that i have classes early in each morning. even though it's sunday, my school has not saved me from responsibility. this time they are sending me for a conference. though i am really so tired and i planned to lay down the whole sunday, i just can't say no to the level chair. maybe you'll ask why i wake up so early if it's going to be 7 or 8 that the activity will start? there's a funny answer to that. i am a snail in the morning. if i don't do this, i'd probabaly get super late. it takes me forever in doing my routines. so to make it on time, i wake up really early.

i just hope the conference will be finished earlier so that i can still study for my quizzes tomorrow. furthemore, i miss my bed and i just want to sleep more. on the other hand, i am still very lucky that i made it to go to church yesterday. at least i made sure God has a time for me. Well, what more should i ask for but more energy to carry out this mountainous tasks. i think it's better that i am very much busy rather than be so unoccupied and pensive.

still the same feeling

i think i'll die thinking of you...
love is just really so sticky...
it's still here to stay...
you're in my mind all the time...
you may not know...
but i know you feel that i am just here...
still loving you...

the big change

it's so hard to see things change the way you never wished it to be. i cut this thought short. we try our best to preserve all things. that is the reason why there is this pain from within. we wish to give more fights but there he goes, taking someone's arms already. as for now, it doesn't matter anymore if i lost that chance to be happy with you. all i want is to say thank you for once in my lifetime you also got mesmerized by the love i gave. as you carry on with life, take the best foot forward. peace out! hay, thank God you don't know about this little corner that i have! it's only in here that i get so true about missing you...

teardrops...

maybe there is really no more reasons to say there's hope between the two of us. on the other hand, i still keep on hoping that even for just a minute you'll realize that i am the one who you love most. you told me then to wake you up when all things go this way. you told me not to let you go for you might just be blinded by many other things. now? this very moment, how can i prove that you are just blinded? or is this all true already? do i have to wake myself up and say that indeed you have forgotten about the heart which you took and the heart which you gave away. i want to smile but all seems so untrue. even my real emotions is very indistinguishable. i don't know if i am just really happy in a moment or i am just pretending throughout the day. i cry over our past because it's the sweetest memory that i've ever had. i reminisce on the times we shared the laughter. i think of how i cared for you. i am stuck on those pieces, which if you integrate, will make up the whole image of two of us who were both true to each other. many have already gone your way presently. out of those, you might have found one who you think is better. i feel this hurt within. but what else could i do now but cry again. you're taken...you're no longer mine...is your heart really his already? if it is, then just be happy...just be happy and live a joyful life with the man of your innermost dreams...

this time let me wish something for myself...

all of my life i lived up to what God would wish me to do. i am happy that in many ways i tried to be human to all the people who came my way. there were many who made me feel so sad and caused me to think that i am left alone. i even thought to myself that i am damned or fooled and worst doomed by destiny. i asked what wrong did i do for life to ever put me to this kind of an unfair situation. it was like thinking i fought too much yet i haven't acquired any treasure to hold for the rest of my life. despite all, i continued to love, love and love..i continued to hope that when i wake up one morning love has finally found me...

just this morning, i was tasked to gather airborne bacteria in vitro inside the school chapel. i chose the place for i know i have to wait for twenty minutes and i'll feel so awkward if i'll do it inside the comfort room or the school lobby. i was inside the chapel waiting for twenty minutes to be over when i looked at the center of the altar. blatantly you know what i saw, it's jesus image on his ascension. i took a glance at his hands and asked myself if how jesus would have felt the time he ascended. maybe he was happy saving the humanity. but what good thing did he ever get for himself? i woke myself up with the conscious thought that He is God. it's so divine for him to do something good for others though he has everything already.

i told myself that maybe i am not God but God is in me. thus, maybe i can also do something without expecting anything anymore. this time, i'll start it with this love that i'll let go. you might love him really more than how you ever felt for me. then, go for it. it's now alright that i did my best and definitely you haven't done your best to compensate it all. it's just for honesty. i want you to start it all right. do the best to carve your images in each other's heart well. learn from the mistakes that we committed. preserve the love make it last the way we perceived eternity before.