early feelings...

i have never had a nice wake up since i broke up with my previous relationship. i always have this different kind of feeling when i start to open my eye or even sooner after i gather up a partial consciousness out of being asleep. this morning, it happened again. my heart was beating too fast and all i know was that i was thinking of many things that happened in the past. the situation is so regular. it's really clear that i am still thinking about that person. my mind is always pre-occupied by the thoughts of this person who happened to be the one who made me believe in so many promises.

when i start to recall back on the days that we were still together, i cannot help but cry on so many things that were put into nothing. i was once told by this person that guarantee is already assured that we'll be making it until the end. i looked back on those messages that i kept and it hurts me a lot to know that once I was told of being the best. later on, before we broke i heard words that the person got mistaken in saying that best was found in me. Maybe someone far better than me was really found. what hurts most was that i was not accepted for who i am. it was from that person that i expected much about acceptance. it was a chagrin to know that I'll find the grim discrimination in that person's thoughts and words.

one thing is for sure..i keep on denying my love because i am very much disappointed with what the person did to me. on the other hand, everything is just a denial of the truth that love lingers in my heart...as it continually lingers in me, I'll never stop getting hurt for it's simultaneously lined with the feeling of hope that someday we'll end up together again.