yesterday, i was feeling so brave of moving. i got that little courage to say that i can now manage. but now..what is this? why is it that i am regretting over saying that i am strong. maybe because my little bravery has already expired. i am back to the real me - so vulnerable and truly weak. Oh God, please help me. i just want You to guide me through these dark premonitions that are on the loose in my mind. you know how i pray hard to you each day of my life. You know that my desire is geared towards one thing that i don't want to say because i want to deny it for always. i hate to think that i am like this stupid. why am i thinking of the same person each day and night? can u give me that strength to let go of the past that made me cry pails of tears. right this very moment, i am tempted to view his friendster account. that is one thing that i haven't done for the past weeks since i made my own. i just want to check if this person is doing just fine and if another person has already been found by that person again. maybe, i feel all these things out of great inferiority. i feel so bad about myself for being like this. being me is the cause of why our relationship has not worked. but what do i have to do? do i have to change? this is me...and i cannot live a life of pretention just to satisfy my partner. Lord, I always wantto follow the trail of your light. let me be on it right now. tell me if there is really hope between the two of us. why am i so disturbed? is anything happening? could that person be thinking of me also. Oh God, help me! don't make me lose my head. I trust your providence. I know i will not be able to pass this test if there is no You. Lord, I just wanna give this true love to the person that is so right...please prove me Lord that i am right in this unchanged thought that that person is the undefeated right one for me...
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