it's already 11:30 in my watch. i still have my classes early 7 tomorrow. i have just finished my homework and the few pages of the book that i am currently finishing. my aunt knocked at my door to offer my bedtime milk. i should be fast sleeping by now. but look, my eyes are wide open and my consciousness is still at its peak. i need a psychologist to analyze the way my mind is running this time. maybe i just need someone to talk to. lately i have found out that i seldom talk to people. i am so glad that i have my daily professors who never failed to call me for recitation. at least, in a day, i manage to talk and share a little about my ideas.
i just can't trust anybody anymore. i don't know why but i am so afraid. i don't know who are those true people are. i feel really so weird. i would often look at the skyline and seconds later i'll find out that time has passed faster than ever and i was looking at the same thing. i thought well and reckoned that i might be losing my sanity already. on the other hand, the fact that i can still deliver this message is a manifestation that i am still in control of my mind. i remembered a line from a book with this character who got crazy - "goodbye sweet sanity." i was very much unimpressed with the author. i don't think one can get crazy if he or she knows he or she will get crazy. so be it - i am not yet losing my mind. but what is happening?
i think i am just not at peace. i keep on thinking about things that i should no longer mind now. but how could i? those things are already my life. =( i would say they were the reasons why i wake up each day and persevere to become a better person. i just wish i could find a new reason to start. like what my previous blogs conveyed, i want a life...it's so long that i have been dead.
i can see that nobody seems to care about what i really feel. but i don't wanna mind it. it's my fault. i have always been so private. i would keep all my hurts by myself. this blog is like my diary. nobody seems to visit this. i don't know if there are anybody who tried reading my fuckin' entries. but what matters most is that i say what i want.
nobody knows i am in great sorrow..that's it...
i just can't trust anybody anymore. i don't know why but i am so afraid. i don't know who are those true people are. i feel really so weird. i would often look at the skyline and seconds later i'll find out that time has passed faster than ever and i was looking at the same thing. i thought well and reckoned that i might be losing my sanity already. on the other hand, the fact that i can still deliver this message is a manifestation that i am still in control of my mind. i remembered a line from a book with this character who got crazy - "goodbye sweet sanity." i was very much unimpressed with the author. i don't think one can get crazy if he or she knows he or she will get crazy. so be it - i am not yet losing my mind. but what is happening?
i think i am just not at peace. i keep on thinking about things that i should no longer mind now. but how could i? those things are already my life. =( i would say they were the reasons why i wake up each day and persevere to become a better person. i just wish i could find a new reason to start. like what my previous blogs conveyed, i want a life...it's so long that i have been dead.
i can see that nobody seems to care about what i really feel. but i don't wanna mind it. it's my fault. i have always been so private. i would keep all my hurts by myself. this blog is like my diary. nobody seems to visit this. i don't know if there are anybody who tried reading my fuckin' entries. but what matters most is that i say what i want.
nobody knows i am in great sorrow..that's it...
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